Yesterday, the Post published a necessary piece about how ritzy Washington parties are changing in the digital age. Not yet being of the society set myself, I found it quite enlightening. Here’s what the Post had to say about today’s high end fundraisers and networking events, and what I took away from this important information:

The “save the date” Evites for fall parties are starting to arrive, a bittersweet reminder that summer is almost over.

Damn. I have yet to receive any Evites for fall parties, a bittersweet reminder that I am a nobody. A cursory glance at my spam folder confirms this.  

The very important people of Washington are short on time and easily bored.

Yep, I’m definitely a nobody. I’ve got nothing but time and wouldn’t mind spending it getting stoned and doing something tedious.

It’s not enough to throw free booze at people anymore, although that never hurts.

I think what this is saying is that the very important people of Washington are accustomed to people throwing liquor at them, but it seldom causes injury.  

The old formula of cocktails, dinner and endless speeches is giving way to artisanal menus, designer mixologists and charging stations.

Drinks, dinner, and speeches is giving way to dinner, drinks, and charging stations. Got it.

Plus hashtags, live Instagram feeds and anything else that will transform another boring evening into a talker.

Pressed for time, the very important people of Washington, who are easily bored, gather to sip drinks and charge their phones, using those phones to delight in live Instagram pictures of the very important people of Washington sipping drinks and charging their phones.

A giant Lite-Brite board, perhaps, where guests can play with a massive version of the favorite childhood toy?

You’re asking me? I mean, sure, why the hell not? If the very important people of Washington have such short attention spans, a giant child’s toy may be just the ticket.

“One of the things I’m excited about is wearable bracelets,” says Sarah Peterson, a newly hired associate for donor engagement and special events at Woolly Mammoth Theatre Company. “It’s cool,” the 22-year-old says. “It’s so cool.”

Whoa. They have wearable bracelets now? The very important people of Washington get to have all the fun.

“Nobody’s an attendee anymore,” says David Adler, founder of BizBash, the events media company that hosted the conference. “You’re all participants — whether you like it or not.”

Parties for the very important people of Washington sound like my workplace icebreakers, but with more phone charging.

Adler grew up in the nation’s capital, graduated from American University and founded Dossier magazine in 1975, at age 21. It was the city’s first publication devoted to the social elite and arrived just as the Vietnam War, post-Nixon vibe was swinging back to more traditional (and conspicuous) displays of wealth and power.

It’s heartening to think that a nobody like me could turn being a sycophant into a whole career.

The point behind all of the planning is to get bodies into the room, whether you’re selling a candidate, an idea or a product. All of the technology, all of the innovation is designed to get people talking and networking.

I know what talking is, but what the hell is networking?

Networking (hitting up friends, supporting charities, volunteering for a cause) will get you on guest lists.


“You get together people with amazing power in one room, and they talk to each other,” he says. “Those conversations can change the world — if you curate them properly.”

Powerful people charging their phones and playing Lite-Brite together are an amazing force for change — if you have enough charging stations.

Experience is the new luxury, especially among One Percenters looking for exclusive invitations to state dinners or White House correspondents’ dinner weekend parties

In addition to the biggest Lite-Brites, I bet the One Percenters have the nicest Evites.

So organizations that once hosted formal dinners are opting for cocktail receptions with heavy hors d’oeuvres, short programs and dessert buffets, which gives guests more opportunity to come and go as needed.

The very important people of Washington are short on time and easily bored.