Hark! The Amalgamated Stuck in DC Trust strives to publish a larger quantity and wider variety of material, but upper management doesn’t want to work any harder, so we’re emulating late-nineteenth century titans of industry and hiring a few unpaid interns instead.
Come toil in the dark bowels of the content mines! Type your fingers to the bone in our joke mills! This is your opportunity to break free from your huddled masses and purchase bootstraps on credit from our company store with which to pull yourself up, up, UP!
We’re [seriously] looking for Washington writers and artists of any age or persuasion who are interested in collaborating with and contributing to Stuck in DC this summer. It’d be totally flexible and on your own time and not actually an internship at all, we just want some help from creative people who like Stuck in DC and want their work seen by an ever-growing DC audience.
You could do any of the following:
- Write stuff. There’s a whole District of Content out there just waiting to be cobbled into Stuck posts. We’re interested in virtually any type of writing, be it listicles, essays, Onion-style satire, verse, short fiction, creative nonfiction, journalism, or the uncategorizable. Writers will be asked to try and come up with a few post ideas every week and write at least a few pieces a month. You may also be asked to review someone else’s unpublished work to add jokes or suggest edits.
- Attend various local events on behalf of Stuck in DC and write thoughtful (or tortured) reviews.
- Help promote Stuck in DC by slapping those this is not new york stickers all over the damn place. Which is always fun, but especially after you’ve had a few!
- Photoshop images. We have no clue how to do that, so if you do and want to help, you’re pretty much in.
- Contribute visual art. We haven’t done this yet, but we’d love to expand the scope of the site and showcase local artwork. Illustrators, graphic designers, collagists, painters, and whoever else are encouraged to reach out.
- Maybe take some photographs? A funny photographer who wants a platform to show off their work would be incredible.
- Anything else you think might help Stuck in DC or hurt our enemies. We’re open to suggestions.
A competitive candidate will possess all of the following:
- Basic grasp of (and enthusiasm for) the Stuck in DC tone and style.
- Proficiency ordering lists from best to worst AND worst to best.
- Working knowledge of where is and is not New York.
- Requisite levels of pluck, grit, spunk, and/or moxie.
- Ignorance of (or Randian disdain for) labor laws and OSHA regulations.
- Fondness for sitting on a plant-filled balcony on a beautiful summer night while you drink and tell jokes and stories about Washington as a puppy lies at your feet.
- 413 through 422 friendly.
- Ability to keep a secret.
How to Apply
Send an email to email@example.com that includes:
- 1-3 paragraphs that explain who you are, what your deal is, and what you’d like to do with Stuck in DC. It doesn’t have to be funny.
- At least 3 ideas for Stuck in DC posts, presented however you like.
- Links to and/or samples of previous work (if applicable, not required).
- Anything else you want us to consider before we crumple up your application and throw it over our shoulder onto an overflowing wastebasket.
Stuck in DC is an equal opportunity fake employer. We do not discriminate on the basis of age, sex, gender identity, ethnicity, national origin, physical or mental ableness, or military status. Unless you’re another straight white dude, in which case we’ll discriminate a little bit. After all the shit you guys have pulled, you’re going to have to show a little extra to get the job (for once).
To reiterate: we’re not kidding about this, we’d love some help. Shoot us an email if you have any questions.
Stuck in DC