You weren’t born or raised anywhere near Columbia Heights, but after moving in and living there a while, you’ve certainly made it your home. So you’ll definitely recognize these 9 things!


1     The neighborhood was founded by white professionals in 1999

People who don’t live in Columbia Heights are clueless about its rich 16 year history, beginning with the opening of the Metro stop in 1999.


2     Correcting people who call it Malcolm X Park

For some reason, people who haven’t lived in Columbia Heights have a hard time getting Meridian Hill Park’s name right. SMH


3     Wishing they’d tear down Tubman Elementary and put in more retail along 11th

Hello, I can’t shop at a soccer field, and I shouldn’t have to go all the way to North End Shaw for a Warby Parker. FML


4     Rolling your eyes at all the non-locals who show up for Red Derby’s half price burger night

Ugh Mondays amirite? Get out of my neighborhood bar!


5     Stopping at Sticky Fingers for an ethical vegan dessert after devouring bloody hearts, tongues, and intestines from Thip Khao’s jungle menu

The cupcakes are like penance. Sweet, delicious penance.


6     Being jealous of the families who live in affordable housing next to your building

Some Columbia Heightsers have all the luck. I mean, we live on the same street, but I’m paying four times as much? WTF!


7     Knowing how to ask Councilmember Brianne Nadeau to hook you up with some bud

Why do you think she beat Jim Graham in a landslide?


8     Blaring ambulances getting stuck behind a line of cars on Harvard or Irving

If you get stabbed in Columbia Heights, you better hope it’s not during rush hour. Only residents understand how inconvenient it is to sit in the back of an ambulance that’s stuck behind 12 cars on a slim one way street as the minutes tick by and you slowly bleed out.


9     Feeling way better about the whole gentrification thing after a volunteer stint at 826DC

We’ll call it even!