JT, 28, 3 miles away
Consultant. Crossfit. Lists Greek letters.
LEFT
Carl, 33, 4 miles away
Says he’s a big Woody Allen fan; clearly bald.
LEFT
Francis, 29, 1 mile away
About Me says he leans on his faith. G’bye!
LEFT
Jason, 30, 6 miles away
Scruffy musician types just don’t excite me.
LEFT
T, 28, 4 miles away
He’s handsome, he’s well dressed, and he has a list of his favorite authors in his profile. I can’t wait to see what his hands look like on our first date!
RIGHT
MacArthur, 25, 8 miles away
Sooooo sick of Georgetown rower bros. And he lives in Arlington.
LEFT
Dirk, 22, 48 miles away
When you set your mile radius too high and start getting dudes from West Virginia.
LEFT
Paul, 40, 2 miles away
He’s handsome and says he’s an artist, so that’s cool. And he has that halo and all, but I don’t know, there’s something about him that really that creeps me out. He looks like he’s gotten around. I’d be worried about getting syphilis or something.
LEFT
Louis, 26, 5 miles away
I can’t fix this dude’s broken heart.
LEFT
Leon, 31, 2 miles away
Lol, nice bulge dude. He looks kind of familiar, but maybe that’s just because he looks like every other dumpy white dude who works on The Hill. He doesn’t list his height and his photo cuts off at the knee, so he’s probably really short. I bet he has some kind of complex too. No thanks.
LEFT
Zip, 19, 4 miles away
I’ve never been a sucker for a man in uniform, much less a melancholy virgin in uniform.
LEFT
Bennett, 34, 1 mile away
Bennett is handsome, he has a strong nose and a good head of hair. He loves to read, and he writes for a living, which I love. I dig the flower, the brown pants, everything. But I just can’t kiss a smoker.
LEFT
Alphonse, 21, 7 miles away
He looks like Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle, and I am not digging that white neckerchief.
LEFT
Marcus, 23, 3 miles away
What is it with the white neckerchiefs?
LEFT
Herman, 67, 6 miles away
Ahhhhhhh Tinder glitch! I hate it when super old dudes slip in.
LEFT
William, 28, 2 miles away
He’s good looking enough, but I feel like by the time I got all his clothes off, I wouldn’t even be in the mood anymore.
LEFT
Dan, 31, 2 miles away
Just another bearded dude with a dog who says he loves craft beer.
LEFT
Cam, 30, 6 miles away
I feel like he’d always want to sleep over.
LEFT
A & E, 28, 9 miles away
Ugh, yet another couple looking for an NSA third.
LEFT
Craig, 27, 1 mile away
Showin’ a little knee! About Me says bacon and whiskey is life. Says he’s in town for a good time, not a long time.
LEFT
Doug, 29, 2 miles away
This dude creeps the hell out of me. I don’t know what he intends to do with that gloved hand, but I don’t want to stick around to find out.
LEFT
Pat, 25, 4 miles away
He looks like several of my favorite female musicians.
LEFT
Joshua, 24, 1 mile away
Really into EDM.
LEFT
Fuck. I swear I’m only swiping right because I’m curious what this jerk would text. Tinder’s a game, and if you’re gonna play it, you gotta play it.
RIGHT
IT’S A MATCH!