We’ve enlisted a Talking Heads lyrics generator to answer your burning questions about live and love in Washington.


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I really love living in DC and being able to bike to work. But I’m 30 now, I just got married, and we’re planning to have kids soon. I’m wondering if I should move to Virginia?

–Suburb-bound in Shaw

Dear Suburb-bound in Shaw,

I wouldn’t live there if you paid me.

I couldn’t live like that, no siree!

I couldn’t do the things the way those people do.

I couldn’t live there if you paid me to.


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I’m 26, I have a decent job, and I have no debt. So relatively speaking, I know I’m doing alright. But it sure doesn’t feel that way in Washington. Everyone goes out all the time and drops tons of cash at bars and restaurants. All my friends here are making serious money and it makes me feel like a loser, because I know I’m just as capable as they are. I’ve developed some severe status anxiety in this town. Can you help me put things in perspective?

–Anxious in Adams Morgan

Dear Anxious in Adams Morgan,

There are 50,000 beggars

Roaming in the streets

They have lost all their possessions

They have nothing left to eat


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

Any tips on hot new clubs in the District? Looking to bust a move then bust a nut this weekend.

–Clubbin’ in Congress Heights

Dear Clubbin’ in Congress Heights,

This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco,

This ain’t no fooling around

No time for dancing, or lovey dovey,

I ain’t got time for that now


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I’ve been taking anti-depressants since I was a teenager, but now I’m trying to taper off and it is NOT going well. I am an emotional wreck. I cry at work at least once every day, and my relationship with my boyfriend is imploding. He’s great, but he just cannot deal with me when I’m like this, and my friends haven’t been very helpful either. My BFF Stephanie has been totally absent since she got married, and I don’t know whether to confront her or not. If I did, I would probably just start weeping and look like a crazy person. You don’t think I’m a crazy person do you?

–Not Crazy in NoMa

Dear Not Crazy in NoMa,

What are you, in love with your problems?

I think you take it…a little too far

It’s…not so cool to have so many problems


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I just got into a great PhD program in California, but my boyfriend of six years isn’t willing to move right now because of his job and I’m not willing to go through with the stress of a long term relationship. This has put me in a terrible bind. I am fairly sure that Kevin is The One, or at least I thought I was. I don’t want to have to choose between the love of my life and my dream program! What do I do?

–Conflicted in Columbia Heights

Dear Conflicted in Columbia Heights,

Decide, decide

Make up your mind

Decide, decide

I told you what to say


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I’ll be blunt: I’ve thought about killing myself every day for as long as I can remember. I own a gun. It would be quick, and I wouldn’t be a burden to my family anymore. They’d be better off without me. They’d collect insurance money and be able to move on with their lives. I’m going to do it. I just had to tell someone and I didn’t know where else to turn.

–Suicidal in Spring Valley

Dear Suicidal in Spring Valley,

Put away that gun

This part is simple

Try to recognize

What is in your mind

God help us


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I’m a big, beautiful, black woman with style and class and I know it! But the guys I date, they aren’t real men. They aren’t mature, they aren’t intelligent. They’re just looking for a hookup or a fuck buddy, something to brag about. Some of them don’t even have a job. I’m asking, are there any decent men in this town? Or am I going to have to settle for one of these scrubs?

–BBW in Brookland

Dear BBW in Brookland,

All of them other boys can walk away

They ain’t even in the game

‘Cause they know that you own it

You got this swag, you got this attitude


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

What is with the bitches in bars? If you don’t want to dance, why are you on the dance floor? What does a guy gotta do to get his grind on?

–Grinding in Glover Park

Dear Grinding in Glover Park,

Girls don’t want to play like that

Just want to talk to the boys

Just want to do what is in their hearts

And the girls want to be with the girls


Dear Talking Heads Lyrics Bot,

I can’t get over my ex-girlfriend. Allie was so sweet, I was such a fool to let her go! I would do things so differently if I had another shot. Do you think she’d ever take me back?

–Lonely in Lanier Heights

Dear Lonely in Lanier Heights,

It’s not…yesterday…anymore.